Listen, kid! This is a newspaper, and that is news! A super-powered vigilante swinging up and down the city? He’s a menace, and I don’t care that you’ve got a big midterm coming up — I expect photos on my Butler Connoisseur’s Writing Desk in time for the morning edition! You can sleep when you’re dead!
You may be just a freelance photographer, but I write your checks, and I sign them right here, on top of this warm chestnut finish! These Gemelina solids are putting you through college to that fancy-pants science degree, and I expect you to do what I say, and when I say I want top-notch photos of Bug-Man or Web-Lad or whatever he’s calling himself before the crack of dawn, you had better get me those photos before the crack of dawn!
It took me a lifetime of work to earn my place behind these delicate gold highlights and dovetailed storage drawers, so don’t be a slacker!
I’m a busy man, too! I like nothing more than going home and kicking up my feet on my Butler Metalworks Octagonal Cocktail Table, but instead I’m here burning the midnight oil! I expect no less from my photographers, especially with that insect-themed threat endangering this city! Why, he could drop out of the sky at any moment! The public needs to be informed, and not even it’s distressed cherry veneers or hand-forged metal base can pull me away, so I won’t have you slouching just because you need to brush up on particle physics!
I swear, if I don’t get enough photos from you to fill up my Artists’ Originals Tobacco Leaf Chest, you will be out of here as sure as it’s rich brown finish was applied by skilled artisans! Why, that masked troublemaker managed to take out half a city block in Midtown during his fight with that Doctor Whatsisface maniac, and I need your photos to expose him for the plague he is! And I’ll do it, too, or my name isn’t —
Hey. Where’d the kid go? Always vanishing on me, that one.